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Total Panic X2

Hey Guys,

Sorry about the lack of posts the last couple of days, I’ve been really busy with work and it’s made me super exhausted by the time I get home. Luckily today is my Friday and yesterday wasn’t as bad. Sunday was absolutely insane though! We were SO BUSY ALL DAY! No idea what the deal was, but we were packed. Almost all day. It was nuts. I was so glad for Sunday to be over. Tomorrow I’m hanging out with KK in preparation for my moving, she was really upset when I told her and was adamant that we spend some time together before I go. Which I would have insisted upon anyway. So tomorrow is the day.

Last night was awful. I got to come home a little early from work, which was amazing. I watched a bit of TV and then curled up with the dogs and started a new show, Humans. I went to bed around 11 I think, or went to sleep around 11 that is.

Sometime during the night I started dreaming about living with my mom again, but we were living in my house. I’m not sure exactly what we were doing, but my mom owned a bunch of snakes. Not a ton, but more than is necessary as far as I’m concerned. And most of them had somehow gotten out. So there were snakes, 4 or 5, roaming around the house. And we weren’t really looking for them, more just being careful not to step on them or squish them. Which was weird, because a couple of them were dangerous/poisonous.

While doing whatever it was we were originally doing I spotted a couple of the snakes. One harmless one. A corn snake I think (my mom’s always wanted one of those IRL). And the other was some kind of viper. Grey, but smooth looking, not super scaly. And poisonous. I pointed out the corn snake to my mom and she said she’d get it later. Then I tried to point out the viper, but she wasn’t listening anymore. And suddenly my voice was super quiet, I couldn’t yell, and the snake started coming towards me.

One thing to keep in mind, I’m TERRIFIED by snakes. It’s one of my phobias. I think they’re fascinating creatures and as long as there is something substantial separating them from me I can sit and watch them for hours. I love all the snake movies and enjoy watching documentaries about them. But I don’t want to touch one, or hold it, or let it anywhere near me. They just freak me out. Even the ones I know aren’t dangerous.

So, in my dream this potentially deadly snake is headed right for me, and I can’t move. I’ve been backed against the back of the sofa or something and I have nowhere to go. I’m trying to get my mom’s attention, but my voice just won’t go loud enough for her to hear me. I’m freaking out. Panicking. And the snake strikes. Up towards my face, fangs bared and ready to bite me. I manage to grab it from part way behind the head and throw it back, away from me. And I try again to call for my mom. But she doesn’t hear me.

The snake starts coming for me again. I’m still stuck and freaking out. It tries to strike again. This time I grab it and start beating its head against a wall. I kill it, and then my mom finally notices what’s going on. And she gets upset that I’ve killed her snake. I try explaining to her that I repeatedly tried to get her attention, but she’s still upset.

I woke up a minute or two later, my heart pounding, breathing really fast and shallow. Practically hyperventilating. I was totally freaking out. I didn’t want to move because I was afraid there would be some kind of real snake in my bed. Which is totally crazy and dumb, but I do live in a rural area, and rattlesnakes/gopher snakes/garter snakes are a real thing out here and I have seen them. Eventually I calmed down enough to move around a little bit and try to get comfortable again.

A little while later I got up, although I don’t remember why I wanted to get up, but I did. And I realized I hadn’t seen my littlest dog since before I went to sleep. Which wasn’t normal. She’s not always in my face before bed, but I had had the space heater on and pointed at me/the bed before I went to sleep, and usually she lays on/in front of me so the heater is blowing directly on her. So it was a little strange that I didn’t remember seeing her since before bed/sleep.

I remembered letting the dogs out before I went to bed, and I remembered seeing her waiting by the door. I was almost 100% sure she had come in when I opened the door. But now I didn’t see her. While I was up I checked their dog bed/blankets on the floor, but she wasn’t there. I checked the blankets and furniture in the living room, thinking maybe I’d locked her out of my room on accident, but she wasn’t there either. I had already checked my bed, and she wasn’t there either.

I started to panic a bit. She’s little, and I couldn’t find her. She’s the dog I got first and she’s usually lazy and the first one in the house, but what if I was wrong about her coming in and what if I accidentally locked her outside. It’s now 4 a.m. and when I let them out it was only 10 p.m. Six hours with her outside is crazy. It was so cold and she’s little, and my yard has no fences. There was a fox in my yard the other day, so who knows what might have happened to her. I opened the door, turned on the light and hoped that she was just sitting in front of the door waiting for me.

No such luck.

I called her name a couple of times, no response. I really started to panic. I was afraid she had wandered off, or that some animal had gotten her. I went back into my room to get my shoes and a jacket and called her name one last time.

And then I heard the sound of her tags on her collar, jingling. And she popped her head out from under the blankets at the foot of my bed.

I was so happy to see her. I almost cried. I went and locked the door and turned off the light, because I hadn’t bothered doing either before I went to get shoes and a jacket. When I got back in my room all three dogs were sitting on my bed looking at me like I was crazy. I was so relieved to have all three of them safe and in the house that I just curled up with them in the bed and cuddled them all.

I would have found her sooner, but she never gets under the covers to sleep. And she never sleeps at the foot of my bed. If it had been my middle dog, maybe, but not the tiny one.

After being panicked twice in less than half an hour it was really hard for me to go back to sleep so I spent an hour or so playing around on my phone trying to calm myself down and get relaxed enough to fall back asleep.

It was easily one of the worst nights of my life. The nightmare was enough to freak me out and make me panic, but thinking that I lost one of my dogs for real, was truly an awful feeling. I’m really glad that everything worked out all right, but in the middle of the night when things feel like they’re falling apart a bit, it sucks.

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