Hey Everyone,

So I’m supposed to go to lunch with a “friend” tomorrow.

It’s my ex-roommate and I’m not sure if I’ve talked about him on here before or not. But basically my friend C needed some help with his mortgage and bills and stuff and I needed a new place to live a couple years ago so we agreed that I would move into his house and pay half the mortgage to help him get caught up on all of his bills and not lose his house.

Now, I was moving into a room that was about the size of a prison cell. Not a joke, and not exaggerating. It was super tiny. The smallest room in his 3 bedroom house and it was a disaster. One that I ended up having to clean up and clean out before I could even move into it. It was kind of ridiculous. But he was my friend and he needed my help and I really needed a place to live.

So I moved all the crap out of the room, cleaned it up really well and then painted one of the walls before moving in my furniture and things. I ended up buying some new furniture because I had left a lot of my bigger pieces either at my mom’s before I moved out of her place, or in Texas with my ex when I decided to move back to Cali. So I had to buy a new bed, dresser, and TV stand. I had some smaller things, but all the basics I didn’t have. So I went to Ikea and bought the furniture I needed to move into this tiny ass bedroom. Granted the furniture I bought was a little large for the space, but I didn’t want to have to repurchase furniture when it was time to move into a bigger place down the road.

I put all my furniture together myself (with a little help from my bestie KK/Kitty) and got it pretty much set up the way I wanted/the only way it would all fit.

Now, this house was a good sized house, done fairly well, but it was super cold. Like literally and figuratively. Everything was dark and wood or plain walls with just dark paint. It wasn’t cozy or friendly feeling at all. And the central heat was broken so when it was cold out it was super cold inside too. The water was constantly being shut off because he didn’t pay the bill and the same was happening with some of the other utilities. The house was always a complete disaster because no one bothered to clean, do dishes, or buy supplies except me. It got so bad that I would buy toilet paper and keep the majority of it in my car and only take some in when I was home. With my job taking care of my grandma I was gone 4+ days out of the week so I got tired of buying toilet paper one week and coming home to nothing but empty rolls two weeks later with no one else bothering to buy any.

Living there was a huge mistake and a total disaster. My friend is the only reason I stayed and throughout the course of about 8 or so months I ended up lending him $3,000 in addition to paying my half of the mortgage every month. The $3,000 shouldn’t have even been necessary because shortly after I moved in he had another roommate move in and they started paying about a third of the overall mortgage. I continued to pay half. With her payment and my payment he was only responsible for a very small portion of the mortgage and then the utilities. However, as I mentioned before, the utilities weren’t really being paid either. So wtf was happening to all the money he was making at his full time, more than minimum wage making, job? I’m honestly not sure, but that isn’t really the point.

The point of this blog was to say that I’m supposed to be going to lunch with him tomorrow and I’m a little nervous about it. He’s got a good side and a bad side and sometimes I’m not sure there is enough of a good side to counteract the bad side. My friends and family say no and adamantly suggest that I stay away from him and cut him out of my life. But that’s not the kind of person that I am. It’s not something I really know how to do. He can be a really great guy, but he’s selfish and not responsible at all. And did I mention he’s in his 30’s?

It’s all a little ridiculous. I’m nervous about going to lunch with him. He’s supposed to give me some money to start paying back the money he loaned me so we will see what happens there. But he makes me nervous in general. He’s got this weird magnetism about him that people have trouble resisting. I’m not attracted to him like I once was, but I can’t help thinking of him as a friend even though I’m pretty sure he doesn’t deserve to be called one.

I guess I just needed to get all this stuff off my chest. Thanks for reading.

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