Long Time

Hey Everyone,

It’s been quite a while since I’ve posted anything new. I guess you could say that a lot has changed since then. Or, maybe not.

I broke up with the amazing boyfriend. You might be wondering why, but to be honest, my heart just wasn’t in it the way he deserved. It’s hard to explain and it was very difficult for me to do, but it needed to be done. I wasn’t being fair to him. In the end I think it’ll be better for the both of us. It’s been a while now since it happened, almost two months I think, and we’re both okay. We still talk, we are friends, and we plan to hang out eventually and just be friends. So, it’s all okay on that front, we just aren’t together anymore.

I’m still working. Although come the new year I’m going to start seriously looking for something else. I need to make more money. I can’t afford the driving back and forth with the amount of money I’m making. So I’m hoping I’ll find something else that pays more, and is hopefully a little closer to home. We shall see what happens, but for now I’m still working at the same place.

I am exponentially more broke than I was before. Between being on my own, paying for groceries, gas money, dog food, my regular bills, and then the holidays I am in a fairly significant hole. I’m working on getting myself out of it, but it’ll be a while before I feel comfortable spending money on anything that isn’t essential for a while.

I’m not really sure what else has changed. I don’t remember what exactly was going on the last time I gave you guys an update.

My sister and the new baby are doing well. Honestly I wish she was doing a little better with her older daughter, who is almost 5, but I’m sure it’ll come with time. Right now she’s so focused on making sure that the baby is taken care of that the big sister gets pushed to the side a bit. It sucks because I know that P (the big sister) has noticed and it’s definitely effecting her. She’s more clingy than she’s ever been, wants to spend less time with her mom and the baby and spend more time with the rest of us. It’s kind of hard to watch sometimes. She gets very upset when I need to leave and is always begging to come home with me. And she really doesn’t like it when I interact with the baby. She isn’t a fan of sharing her auntie right now. I try to spend as much time as I can with her, not necessarily just the two of us, but her and I with her mom and the baby. That way she can spend time with all of us and still get some one on one attention. Hopefully it’s helping.

In regards to my therapy I’ve had to take a bit of a break. My therapist let me know at my last appointment that she’s expecting a baby and would be on maternity leave starting this month (December) so I was given two options: 1) Take a break from therapy and see how I get on on my own, 2) Be given a temporary therapist to check in with and see on my regular monthly schedule until she returned. I opted for option 1. I didn’t like the idea of switching, getting used to someone new, and then switching back to her when she comes back in March. So, unless her plans change and she decides not to come back in March or something, I’ll be out of therapy until then. It’s kind of bittersweet for me, I’m so excited for her to be having a baby, I’m pretty sure it’s her first, but I’m super bummed that I won’t be seeing her until March to check in and deal with my issues.

I’m sure it’ll all be fine and this gives me a chance to try out some of the coping mechanisms that I’ve learned in the last couple years. Still bummed though.

I can’t believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve! I am only half prepared. I’m still doing laundry, cleaning my house, trying to figure out what to wear to dinner, wrapping presents, etc. I’m a mess. I have to work a half day tomorrow so I’ll be packing a bag tonight so I can shower and get ready at my mom’s tomorrow after work before our traditional Christmas Eve dinner at my grandma’s house. Then my sister, her boyfriend, and the two girls will be coming back to my house to spend the night. The plan is to watch Home Alone, or some other Christmasy movie while we eat popcorn by the fire. We might build a tent fort for P to sleep in in the living room unless she wants to sleep in my room (which she usually does).

I think I’ll leave off here for now, but may write some more tonight. I probably won’t check in again until Christmas afternoon. So, with that in mind:

Merry Christmas everyone! Happy Holidays if you celebrate something else! And I hope you are all having a wonderful winter! Be safe, stay warm, be joyful!

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