Let’s face it, I’ve had a string of really bad relationships over the last couple of years, why do I think this one will be any different?
In case you hadn’t guessed, I met a guy.
A really great guy.
He’s super sweet, good looking, fun to be around, has a job, his own place, a car, goals, ambitions, etc. He’s great. And I really really like him.
We all know what that means though, right?
I’m going to get my heart broken. Again.
I’m not trying to be a pessimist. I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party or get people to feel sorry for me. I’m strictly expressing my thoughts and feelings based on the pattern that has been my relationships for the last few years.
Anyway, things have been great so far.
We met on a dating app, talked a bit and then decided to meet up.
I took all the precautions I could think of. I told a friend what I was doing, where I was going to be, when, who I was going to be with (first and last name), showed her a picture (although I’d recommend giving your friend a photo, not just showing them), she had a photo of my license plate, and we stayed in contact most of the time. I would also recommend passing on the contact information for the person you’re meeting to your friend so they can turn that over to authorities should anything go wrong and they need to be contacted, although in this case, I forgot. But I texted her when I got there, when he got there, when we left our original meeting place, when we left the second place, when I got to my car, and when I got home. Tried to be as safe as possible.
So, for the first date we met up at a mall that’s sort of half way between where we each live. We went and got dinner, talked a bunch, then went to a candy store to pick up some sweets before we went to a movie. We went and saw Suicide Squad (really good btw). Then he walked me to my car, we kissed goodnight and both headed home. Had a really great time!
We chatted a bunch in between date one and date two.
Date two we met in a different sort of half way point, had some lunch, checked out a costume shop, wandered around a bit, wandered through a candy store and just in general hung out together and talked. It was really really nice and we had a really good time. Or at least I did.
We text every day, pretty much all day. Play 20 questions to learn about each other. It’s been a lot of fun and I really like him.
Which is why I feel like it’s all going to come crashing down around me.
He decided after date two that he wanted us to be Facebook official in a relationship, so we are. Some people think it was too soon, other people think it’s cute and are really happy for me. I’m pretty happy for me. But I can’t help being nervous. I just keep waiting for something to go wrong.
And I feel really stupid but he’s going to a comic con type thing this weekend and I’m feeling paranoid that he’s going to meet someone more like him and bail on me. Dumb I know, but I can’t help it. I’m worried that I’m not exciting enough for him. Or that I’m too big for him. Or that I’m not interested enough in the same things. It’s all so difficult for me. And I feel like such an idiot. He’s probably going to read this one day. And it’s either going to freak him out or he’s going to think I’m a complete crazy person and laugh at me. Either way I’m an idiot.
Such an idiot.
I should delete this post and pretend it never got written. But I did write it. And what’s the fun in that.