Vacation Part IV

Today has been the laziest day yet. All we’ve done today that was actually any work was take the clothes off the clothes line. Other than that I finished a book I was reading, took a shower and repacked my bag to keep my mess off the floor. We really haven’t done anything else. Grandpa and I took naps because we both had a tough time sleeping last night.

The community out here has been having trouble with thieves so they’ve set up a night watch program run by the people who live here. Everyone has walkie talkies and radios set up so they can communicate with each other since not everyone has internet or a cell phone that works well out here. The radio went off a few times last night. The watchmen kept seeing things, lights and such that were sort of suspicious. Once it was just a palm tree being blown in front of a security light sensor, turning it on over and over again. But it’s hard to tell that from a distance so it was checked out just to be sure. It went off again later when the watchman kept seeing what looked like flashlights moving around. That time it ended up being Christmas lights, or at least that was all they could find. A couple of cars had gone out to check things out and they reported back that they couldn’t find anything except the Christmas lights.

It was kind of fun to listen to especially since I was having such a hard time sleeping last night. I was up a couple of times going to the bathroom and I had a hard time going back to sleep afterwards so I would stay up and read some more.

I just finished the book I had been reading. Called River’s Run. It wasn’t bad. I think I’ll email the writer though and ask her if she’s got more than one editor to help her with her books. There are quite a few spelling and grammatical errors in her books. They aren’t horrible but they can make reading the book feel a little choppy because you end up stopping and rereading things to find out why it sounds so wrong. Or having to reread it to figure out what it is that was meant to be written if there’s a spelling mistake. Especially with some of the names. I’ve been reading the same author the whole time I’ve been here and I’ve really enjoyed her stories, but I think I’ll get them on my own computer or e-reader when I get home and make notes as to where and what the mistakes are then I’ll email her a list of the mistakes I’ve found and see if she has an editor that is supposed to catch those mistakes or if she only has one for content.

Based on what I’ve read in a lot of the free or more inexpensive books most of the authors either don’t have an editor at all or they don’t have multiple editors that catch those mistakes. I think it’s important, especially if you’re going to basically self-publish to have more than one editor, or more than one person looking over the material because different people will catch different mistakes. As I said, she doesn’t make a bunch, but enough to disturb someone who is reading the story. At least it was enough to disturb my reading of the stories.

Anyway, I’ll make up the list of things that I’ve found and send them to her, ask if she has more than one editor and tell her she may want to consider either a new editor or getting an additional one to keep an eye out for the littler mistakes. The content itself is great, but the little mistakes can make a big difference to some people.

Maybe she’ll ask me if I’m up for the job. I’d love to get an in editing e-books. I love to read books and keep an eye out for mistakes and things. Speaking of I’ve been a horrible friend. I’m supposed to be editing a writing that Carrot did. Crap. Now I feel horrible. she asked me like a month or more ago to read the story she had written and tell her what I thought. I haven’t done that yet. I have the story, but I haven’t read it or let her know what I think. Ugh. I’m a horrible friend sometimes.

I can’t decide if I want to stay or if I want to go home. I love it here. It’s amazing. So relaxing and peaceful. The people here are wonderful. There are no worries and the weather is perfect. But I miss my dogs and my friends. I’m starting to wonder if I have any really good friends anymore. I feel like I’m drifting away from where I was a week or two ago and into a new place in life. A new form of consciousness or something. Maybe I’m just ready to be who I am. Not that I know who that is yet. But I feel something changing. I’ve brought it up before, I’ve been thinking it for a while. Something is definitely changing. Although I’m still not entirely sure what it is that’s changing. I’m pretty sure it’s me. Something about me is changing.

I’m missing people I haven’t been around or talked to in forever, and not missing people that I’ve been spending all my time with. I’m feeling a little more confident and a little less scared. I’m feeling better about being alone than I ever have before.

Last night we finished up dinner (Spaghetti w/ meatballs and asparagus) then played a game of Mexican Train. Then we all went to bed and I fell asleep hard. Today we’re going to a real-estate office opening. It belongs to one of my grandparents’ friends. She’s been working on the office for a while now and it’s finally ready to be opened so she’s throwing an opening party. It’s later this afternoon and it should be a lot of fun. She’s the lady with the twin daughters. They’ll all be there so I’m sure it’ll be a good time.

We were talking about going to the beach today. I haven’t been yet. There just hasn’t been a good day to go. Weather has been a pretty big factor as it’s been entirely too windy to go to the beach and deal with sand. Today might be a good day. If we decide to go before the party that is. Otherwise it’ll be the party then dinner. The lady hosting the party wants to go to the restaurant afterwards, it’s Taco Tuesday. We aren’t sure if we’re going or not. It all depends on Grandpa and how he feels about it. If he doesn’t want to go then we’ll come home and have fajitas for dinner. I’m good either way.

I only have two full days left. Two and a half days really. My flight isn’t until late afternoon on Thursday so I’ll have a good amount of time that day to do some things. Not sure what, but something. There was a lot we talked about doing that we didn’t make it to because of weather and other things going on. So maybe we’ll pick something off that list and do that. We’ll have to wait and see.

I’m still not sure how I feel about going home. I love having the freedom of being at home, having the use of my car and having easier access to my money, but I love being here so much. I love my grandparents and I love spending time with them. They are amazing people and I am so lucky to have them in my life. They are so supportive of me and the decisions I make. Even if they don’t necessarily agree with them. They really are wonderful, amazing, generous, loving people. I’m going to miss them like crazy when I get home. They won’t head back to the states for a couple of months still. My mom is going to head down in a couple of weeks and stay with them for about 3 weeks. She’s so excited and everyone here is excited to see her.

It makes me feel a little bit bad. I feel like the people here are a little bit disappointed that I’m not more like my mom. They’ve all had a chance to get to know her pretty well over the last couple of years. She comes down for three weeks at a time so she gets to meet, hang out with, and get to know all the people here. I got to come down for about 10 days, which is an amazing thing and I’m so glad I got to do it, but 10 days isn’t that long to meet and get to know this many people. And I honestly feel like they’re disappointed by me. It’s really the only word for it. Grandma says that I have to be who I am and that no-one is disappointed by me, but it feels like they are.

They all tell me how much they love my mom and how much fun she is. And I’m so quiet and shy compared to her that it makes it feel weird. And being compared to her all the time is kind of frustrating. Yes, she’s my mother, she raised me and I’ve learned a lot about life and how to behave in it from her, but I’m still my own person. I’m not going to be exactly like her. People don’t seem to get that though. At least not “strangers”. My family gets it. They’ve all watched me grow up and they know who I am compared to my mother. They don’t expect me to be like her. It’s nice to not have that pressure from my family. I wish the other people that knew the both of us could feel the same way about it.

Grandpa shut the radio in the living room off for me last night so I wouldn’t have to listen to anymore radio calls in the middle of the night. I’m not sure if that’s what helped me sleep better or not, but I appreciated him doing it. I know he worries about the community and doesn’t like to not be aware of what’s going on. He had a walkie talkie that he used in his room last night to keep track of the goings on, but nothing happened last night and there were no calls.

However, someone did get on the radio yesterday (pretty sure they were really drunk) and asked another guy to hold his penis over the radio for everyone to hear. It was really funny and we were laughing out loud at the random request.

I’ve written over six-thousand words so far about my vacation. For me that isn’t very many. I expected closer to one-thousand words a day for while I was gone. But if that’s the case I’ve only covered 6 days, and I only have 2 and a half left. I don’t think I’ll be writing much my last day since I think it’ll be a busy day. I’ll have to pack everything up, load it into the car and I have to be at the airport like 2 hours before my flight. I’ll have to check in and get my ticket at the airport since I don’t have a printer here to do online check in. And I have to check my bag which means I have to pay another fee. I’m checking all of my dirty clothes though. And the vanilla I picked up for my other grandma. My carry on bag will be much lighter this time since a good chunk of my clothes will be in the checked bag. And the checked bag has wheels so it won’t be a pain in the ass to deal with.

Maybe I’ll write on the plane on the way home. I won’t know what I’ll end up doing until it happens. Even if I make a plan things can change. I know I’ll end up watching/listening to something on my iPod on the way back. I always listen to my iPod on the plane. It keeps me from having to deal with the strangers sitting next to me. If I have headphones in my ears they don’t try to talk to me. Makes my life just a little bit simpler. I don’t mind small talk with strangers, don’t get me wrong, and I’m never rude, but trying to make small talk with people all the time can get exhausting, and sometimes I don’t feel like sharing. People always want to know what you were doing here, who you came to see, how it all went, what you ended up doing, etc. I don’t need people to know about my vacation. Not people on the plane anyway. I enjoy telling you guys about my adventure. I think it’s important to see this part of me as well as all the other stuff that I share.

Hopefully you guys enjoyed my more random posts while I was gone. I tried my best to keep them interesting and fun. I know a lot of my posts can be kind of depressing or boring, but let’s face it, this blog is about me battling my depression and going to therapy. I include the other stuff because therapy only happens once a month and I haven’t been able to make it to any of the classes yet. But I have that new class that starts on the 19th that I’ll be going to, on assertiveness or something. Since it’s referral only I have to take it when it’s offered, I’ve been on the waiting list for a while. I don’t want to end up back on the waiting list with no idea how long it’ll be until they have a spot for me again.

Thankfully with all I’ve written while I’ve been away I’ll have a few days worth of posts that I can post once I get back. It’ll give me a bit of time to get back into the swing of things and catch up on my assignments for school. I’m going to have a lot to do when I get back on Thursday, and I won’t really be able to start anything until Friday because of how late I’ll be getting home from the airport. But I’ll be able to split up what I’ve written here into three or four blog posts to give me those couple of days to get caught up without working on the blog too. Plus I’ll add pictures, and I think I’ll do a separate post with all the extra random pictures I want to share. I’ll put some in these blog posts and do one that’s just photos with explanations of what they are or where.

I haven’t taken as many pictures as I had planned on taking so far. We haven’t gone anywhere where I’ve had my camera, or had my phone, where I’ve wanted to take photos. I wish I had thought to take photos of more of my food though. But since we’ve eaten at home so much it didn’t really occur to me. Speaking of food I have to write up a food journal for my Agriculture class. She wants us to do a food journal for a certain number of days and turn it in (I think today, I have to double check). I don’t know exactly what it is that I’ve eaten over the last couple of days, or if I’ll be able to get/have all the information she’s requesting, but I’ll do my best, I don’t really have another choice. I know she wants to know where the food I’m eating was made, the good news is since I haven’t been eating processed foods it’ll be easy to say that the majority of the food I’m eating is from Mexico. Most of the food I’ve been eating has been fresh. Either right from their garden, the vegetable guy, the organic market, or the grocery store. The food at the restaurants is harder to determine, but since they shop a lot of the same places we do it should be about the same. And a lot of people around here prefer to shop locally and so much food is produced in Mexico already it’s hard to imagine that they get much of it imported.

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