I feel lost tonight. I’m not sure why.
I feel like I need to make a big change in my life. Something kind of huge.
But I have no idea what that should be.
I know I want to rearrange my bedroom. I do that often. When I was living with my dad I did it every 6 months. By the time I moved out of that room there wasn’t a furniture configuration I hadn’t tried. Or a paint color I hadn’t thought about, or put, on the walls. I basically redecorated every six months whether the room needed it or not. And I loved doing it. It’s part of why I think Interior Design would be such an awesome career for me, even if it is a bit scary.
So I think changing my room around will help. I know my vacation will help me feel better. I always think really well about my life while I’m in Mexico. I’m not sure why, but sitting on the beach, watching and listening to the ocean it allows my mind to wander a bit and in the process it allows me to step outside myself and really figure things out. It just gives me the opportunity to think whatever I need to think and come up with answers to questions that I didn’t even necessarily know I had.
But I know that with my vacation a big change is going to come. Maybe that’s why I feel so lost right now. Maybe I’m anticipating the change that’s coming. Maybe I’m trying to prepare for it. I’m not sure I want to wait though. What I really want to do, what I’m itching to do, what’s making my skin crawl right now, is wanting to move my furniture around in my room, declutter and get everything organized, put away and looking sleek and shiny.
I just can’t do it on my own. My furniture, or some of it anyway, is too big for me to move on my own. And even though I can move like 85% of it on my own, the stuff I can’t move is some of the stuff that has to be moved first in order to get the rest of it where I want it. So I can’t do half the job now and wait for someone to help me with the other half. It kind of all needs to be done at once. And it’s going to take one day to get stuff ready to move, and move the stuff, and then it’ll take another day to get everything put away and organized. So it’s going to be a big undertaking.
I’m dying to get it done and get it moved though. I want to do it now. Now now now.