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Crappy Day

Today has been really sucky.

We had a really rough night here at my house. My grandma has gout and it acts up off and on. It started acting up a lot last night. She was in so much pain she was crying and there wasn’t a lot I could do. I put some aspercreme with lidocaine on her foot and gave her a pain pill, but there wasn’t a lot I could do. I felt so bad for her. Especially after yesterday.

Yesterday she had a fall in the bathroom. I caught her in the wheelchair, but she always gets really upset when she falls, even if she doesn’t get hurt. I can understand why, it’s scary and it’s a huge wakeup call that you’re having a really tough time with some things that should be easy. Anyway, after the fall she was really upset, and I got a little upset when she fell, which is my bad. I sounded upset with her. She tried to apologize and I had to sit down with her and explain to her that I don’t mean to sound upset. And that I’m not really upset. I’m scared.

I had to explain that I’ve never done this kind of thing before and it’s scary for me. I don’t know what to expect and I don’t always know what to do. I told her I do my best, but I worry that I’ll let her down. Or let other people in the family down. She told me I haven’t and I won’t but I don’t necessarily believe that. It regularly feels like I’m doing something wrong because either she or Kat constant question my decisions. But there’s nothing I can do about that.

Anyway, with all the pain she was in last night she was up a lot. By the time she really got to sleep it was really late so she slept in until after 10, which is SO unlike her! Usually she’s up at like 7:00 am, on the dot. But she was super tired. Normally we would wake her up and get her ready for the day so she could eat, but since I knew how much pain she’d been in and how hard it had been for her to sleep, I let her sleep until she woke herself up.

Unfortunately whens he woke up the pain was so bad, and in both feet, that she couldn’t really get up to get into her wheelchair. Transferring her from place to place obviously wasn’t an option so we opted to leave her in bed for the day and let her rest. So she’s been sleeping most of the day.

I feel so bad. I’ve given her another pain pill, started her on her gout medication, and made sure she’s had food and is as comfortable as possible. But honestly there isn’t anything else I can do for her. She doesn’t know what else to ask for. I told her if it’s still this bad tomorrow we’ll have to take her to the ER, but if we need to do that I don’t know how I’ll get her in the car. I can pick her up, but with the way her seat is in the van right now it’s really tough to get her in there without hitting her head as it is, I’m afraid I’ll really hit her head if I have to pick her up and put her in the car. As a result, if we go to the ER we will probably have to take my car.

I’m really worried about her, but I honestly don’t think there’s anything anyone can do except get her some better pain medicine. I honestly don’t think there’s anything else that can be done. And I don’t know if that’s worth a trip to the ER. Especially since I don’t have all the information required for an ER visit, and she can’t speak well enough anymore to answer the questions for herself.

Ugh. FML.

Kat needs to get here ASAP. She was supposed to be here tomorrow but she’s changed it now to Monday, hopefully. She said she isn’t sure. Apparently her doctor has put her on bed rest until Monday. Hopefully it won’t go longer than that. I’ve been working for 10 days already. Straight. Without any real breaks. I mean, I get basic breaks, like 15 minutes to an hour breaks. And I got to get my hair done yesterday, but I haven’t had any time off. I need some time off.

Once I get some time off I’ll get to see my friends. I still have to deliver a Christmas present, ship 2 presents, get my nails done, and drop off all the food that I’m getting rid of because it isn’t part of my diet. I have a lot to do and hopefully I’ll have a couple of days to do it. I also want to see my mom, my niece, and my grandma. Hopefully I’ll get a chance to do everything I want/need to do. I guess I’ll start with necessities and go from there. My nails, for example, are a necessity.

I get acrylics put on because my nails are super thin and flimsy. So they’re grown out now and really need to be shortened and filled before they rip my real nails apart. That’s why it’s necessary versus a splurge. Plus, I feel like I’ve earned it. I get my nails and my hair done, that’s pretty much the only things I do regularly for just me. I’ve earned that I feel. Even my therapist feels like I’ve earned that.

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