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Today…

Today has been a blah day. I usually only write when I have something specific to say. Today I just feel like writing. Or tonight rather. It’s after 6 and I’m finally sitting down for a break.

I supposed you could say today has been a busy day. But to me it doesn’t feel like it.

I got up, fed grandma, took a shower and got ready, went to town for groceries and medications, then came home. That was pretty much my whole day so far but for some reason I feel both exhausted and blah. There really isn’t any other word for it. Today flew by so quickly that I feel like it didn’t even really happen.

It felt good to take the time to shower properly, do my hair, put on real clothes. I forget how good real clothes feel since I spend a lot of my time in pajamas. It felt really good to get out of this house. It’s the first time I’ve left the property in 6 or 7 days.

I only went to Target and the pharmacy, and was only out for 3 hours, but it makes a big difference after being in for so long. The only time I’d left the house was to check the mail or get firewood. And when you live outside of town you don’t see anyone or anything while doing that.

I’m a homebody. There’s not doubt about that. I enjoy being home. I enjoy spending time in my room playing on my computer, reading, watching TV/movies, listening to music, cleaning, etc. I love doing those things. But after a while it gets old and I start feeling restless. Today I felt restless.

My first food order of the year will arrive tomorrow. That’s why I made the grocery run. I needed to pick up the supplemental items. Milk, eggs, bread, some veggies,  stuff for salad, things like that. What I ordered online is mostly for dinner, and I can do leftovers for lunch if I want to, but it isn’t breakfast food. So I at least had to get some stuff for that. I’m hoping to stick to juice, smoothies, or protein based breakfasts. I got some stuff for snacks too. Not much because I’m still trying to work out which things I’ll actually eat and which things I’m being overly optimistic about.

I had a really great time talking with Carrot last night. It’s nice to have someone to talk to about the drama in my life without being judged or made to feel bad about myself. She recommended I read this book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. It’s a whole book about how to declutter and tidy up your home or your space. Carrot swears by it right now. She’s getting ready for her move so she’s working on the KonMari method while packing up and stuff. There’s no point moving a bunch of stuff you don’t actually need or want.

I made that mistake when I moved to and from Texas.

As soon as I’m done with the book I’ll go through my bedroom using the KonMari method. It sound both easy and complex at the same time. Since one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to declutter and get rid of things this method should be really helpful. Kondo says the first thing you have to do when you’re tidying up is get rid of the stuff you don’t want. And she explains how to decide what you really want and why. I haven’t actually gotten through the part that explains how to decide what to keep but I know it has to do with only keeping things that bring joy to your heart.

My biggest problem is feeling guilty about letting things go. So I have to work on that. I’ve already decided on a couple things that I’m definitely getting rid of that I haven’t been able to bring myself to get rid of before. So I’m already off to a decent start in my head.

My neck is starting to hurt again. Around Christmas I tweaked something in my neck and it just about killed me (obviously not literally). I could barely move my head at all and it took 2 days of muscle relaxers and a lot of sleep to get back to a more normal range of motion and ability to move normally. I’m afraid that pain is coming back again. I don’t have a clue what’s causing it. I’m not doing anything out of the ordinary. It hurts so much though. I have a decent pain tolerance, I rarely complain about pain I’m feeling, but whatever I have done, and apparently keep doing, to my neck is torture.

Maybe part of why my day has been so blah is because my dad and step-mom kinda blew me off. I mean, they had their reasons but they feel….almost made up to me, or like they were reaching for a reason. I felt sick yesterday, really sick to my stomach, all day. I woke up today feeling almost 100% better, but I had posted on Facebook yesterday that I was feeling sick. They said they wanted to stop by for a quick visit on their way through town, but then said they weren’t going to because they didn’t want to risk getting sick or spreading the germs to the people they are going to visit next.

I get it. I really do. But it’s still a little hurtful that my parents don’t want to come see me because they’re afraid I’ll get them sick. Especially since I feel almost completely better.

Oh well. They have a lot going on. And I didn’t tell them that I wished they would come see me anyway. I told them it was okay to head home without stopping. I hate making people feel uncomfortable or telling people when they’ve made me feel kinda sad. I know they didn’t mean to, so I’m not really upset with them, but I am bummed. Originally they were supposed to come see me the other day, before I got sick, but they never showed up so I guess it’s sort of their fault that they didn’t get to see me because they didn’t come when they said they were going to. Honestly I thought they’d forgotten about me altogether and had bypassed me the other day without stopping. At least now I know they didn’t forget me.

 

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