Anxiety Attack

I had a mild anxiety/panic attack yesterday. I had gone shopping with a friend to check out the after Christmas sales and found a laptop that was almost exactly what I wanted (just a slightly smaller hard drive) on sale for $200 less than it normally would be and about $400 less than the one I had been looking at. I had already had a slight panic attack just thinking about going into the store to see if they had one, and another one at the idea of actually buying one.

I have a really hard time spending large sums of money at one time on one thing. When I was about 20 I got my first credit card and my grandma (who used to work at a bank) advised me to use it to buy something sort of expensive (not enough to max out the card) and then spend 6 months paying it off. So I decided to finally buy myself a replacement iPod since I had accidentally broken the screen on my old one months before that. The total cost of my iPod was around $300 and I started hyperventilating at the register. There were so many thoughts running through my mind….

Can I really afford this?

What if my card doesn’t work?

What happens if I miss a payment?


Of course everything turned out fine but at the time my heart beat so fast it felt like it was one continuous beat, my body got so hot that I was sweating all over and at one point I think my ears started ringing and my vision got blurry. I was really freaked out.

It’s a lot easier for me to spend money on things in small amounts. Like buying a car. It’s stressful, I freak out, but for whatever reason I’m not nearly as nervous doing that as I am buying something like a computer. Maybe because it allows for monthly payments, or maybe because it’s something huge that I’m spending the money on, but I handle it much better than smaller expensive purchases. Like buying my computer.

To be clear I bought one of the new Macbook Pros. It wasn’t a decision I made lightly, I did quite a bit of research on Mac versus PC and which Macbook was the right choice, etc. In the end I’ve always wanted a Mac, but I’ve always been a PC girl. The idea of spending as much money as I would have to spend on a Mac always freaked me out, but like my new car, I know right now I can afford to buy the Mac I’ve always wanted. So I did. I officially ordered it yesterday (December 26th) and it will be here on Tuesday the 29th. As long as nothing goes wrong.

I’m excited to try a Mac since I’ve always had a PC, I’ve been able to play around with a Mac once or twice and I’ve liked them, but I’ve never had a chance to own one and really get to use it. So I’m excited to get that chance. If I don’t like it I’ll return it or sell it to someone else and get a good quality PC, but for now I’m excited. I spent $1200 on the computer, even with the sale, hopefully it’ll be worth it.

Once I get the computer and figure out for sure how to use it I’ll write a “review” of sorts and update everyone on how it’s going.

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