A very good friend of mine sent me a link one day after she and I had had a discussion about me potentially needing to be put in a hospital to get my depression and anxiety under control. At the time I felt completely out of control, unable to cope with even the tiniest of things, and on the very edge of committing suicide. The link she sent me was to a livejournal blog written by a woman named Heidi, or thesugarmonster. The link itself took me to a specific post: Hospitalized: The Saga. Which Heidi had written in January of 2009 after she had voluntarily checked herself into an institution and had been released. In her journal entry she talks about all the things that happened, all the things she saw, went through, felt, etc.
My friend and I had discussed how putting myself in a hospital might be the right choice, but she knew how scared I was. She knew that it all felt so uncertain and mysterious, which can be incredibly terrifying. To help put my mind at ease and to give me a real idea of what I might face should I decide a hospital stay was necessary.
I was excited to see the experience through someone else’s eyes, but I was scared too. I didn’t know what I would read or see or what kind of situation she had been in that resulted in her stay. As I read the “16 pages, single spaced. Grab yourself a drink, you’ll be here awhile!” (her words, not mine) post I felt a bit of a release of sorts. I cried, I smiled, I found myself breathing easier. Heidi’s post made me realize it wouldn’t be so bad if I ever did need to go in myself. Although as of yet no one is reading or even looking at this blog, my blog, Heidi’s post was so helpful to me that I’m going to post the link here so I can find it easily and so can anyone else who might eventually see it. I’m sure her post already had a ton of views and is probably fairly well known to a lot of people suffering from anxiety and depression.
I hope Heidi knows just how much her post has helped me, how much it means to me, how much her struggles have helped me through some of my own. Besides her livejournal account she has her own website and I’ll leave links to the home pages of both down below. The post I’ve already linked was written in 2009 and it’s just one of many. There are years worth of posts to explore and read and find help through. It seems that Heidi has had her ups and downs, just like I have, just like I’m sure we all have, and will always have.
Maybe Heidi can be helpful to some of you as she has been to me. Maybe you already knew about her. Maybe you’re just discovering the online world and community that exists to help and support each other. Maybe the person who is reading this is already a distinguished member of this community (wouldn’t that be cool). Whoever you are, whoever is reading this for whatever reason you might be reading this, I hope it helps.